


i will stand in the cold air just to feel your distant light

by DEATHCITYZ



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Grief/Mourning, I cried while writing this, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Post-Canon, Sad with a Happy Ending, Short One Shot, Soulmates, background tenmiko, look me in the eyes and tell me saimota isnt canon i fucking dare you, saimota
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:47:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21996232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DEATHCITYZ/pseuds/DEATHCITYZ
Summary: The small section of graves all decorated with the same ribbon, 13 all together. the graves for all of his friends who didn’t come back. Shuichi and his roommates always come to “visit” their friends on their birthdays, and today was no exception. In front of Shuichi stood a gravestone that reads “Kaito Momota, luminary of the stars. You shone as brightly as the sun, as you always will in the hearts of the ones you saved.”Today is April 12, the birthday of Kaito Momota himself.
Relationships: Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi
Kudos: 61





	i will stand in the cold air just to feel your distant light

**Author's Note:**

> writing this made me really sad please i love saimota. so much. they both mean the world to me but i do love me some good angst ;)  
> the title is a line from a poem by speaking-intothevoid on tumblr!

“Hey guys, i’m home.” 

Shuichi stepped out of the brisk air of the April evening and into the warm apartment he shared with his friends. On the couch sat Maki Harukawa, the former Ultimate Assassin, and Himiko Yumeno, the former Ultimate Magician. It had been two years since the end of Danganronpa 53, and the three survivors found their way back to civilian life. Danganronpa was now nothing but a memory, a thought lingering in the back of their minds that they were crammed into that excruciating virtual reality for the sake of television entertainment. The scheduling of mental and physical therapy appointments slowed, but they still go sometimes. When the memories hurt too bad, when it’s almost unbearable, the fact that they were able to leave and everyone else wasn’t. Instead of looming over the thought, the three moved in together and started new lives. Maki decided to take on teaching and worked at the nearby daycare. She thought maybe she could live up to her fake alias of the Ultimate Child Caregiver. She also ditched her long twintail hairstyle, and now wore it in a short bob. She’d said at some point it was a way of cutting herself off from her past and who she used to be. Himiko was the other way around. She grew out her short hair and now wears it in a low ponytail or bun. She teaches martial arts, specifically Neo-Aikido. She swore she’d continue Tenko’s legacy of Neo-Aikido, and she’s really good at it. Her friends both knew she still misses Tenko, and Shuichi understood.

Shuichi understood completely.

“I won’t be here for long, i just forgot something.” The two girls stood from the couch and walked up to the skinny boy. Maki placed a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?” he nodded. “Its okay if you cry, I'll be here to protect you when you get back!” Himiko chimed in, trying to make him feel better. He humors her despite his mood and plasters a small smile to his face, the biggest smile he muster. “Thank you, Himiko.” Maki spoke again. “Be careful. It may be April but it’s supposed to get really cold and maybe even snowy tonight.” Shuichi took note of his friend’s warning as he walked to his room to grab a jacket, a blanket, and a flat box from his closet to put into his bag. he then grabbed the bouquet of flowers Maki bought off of the table, said goodbye to the girls again, and set off. It wasn’t a long walk to where he needed to go, but it felt like a lifetime. he was in his own head, thinking about where he was going and what he was about to do. He, Maki, and Himiko had done this a million times before, almost every month, sometimes more than once, since their release from Danganronpa. Sometimes, on his way home from work, Shuichi would just feel like paying a visit by himself, but he’d never go alone on a friend’s birthday. this was different; he asked the girls if he could go alone. They respected what he wanted and went earlier that day while Shuichi was out. Shuichi knew he didn’t want to make them deal with his tears- this was going to be extremely hard on him. He did it last year and it was horrible, but the span of a year only increased the longing in his heart for the man he fell in love with inside that nightmare. And before he knew it, he was there. The small section of graves all decorated with the same ribbon, 13 all together. the graves for all of his friends who didn’t come back. Shuichi and his roommates always came here to “visit” their friends on their birthdays, and today was no exception. In front of Shuichi stood a gravestone that read “Kaito Momota, luminary of the stars. You shone as brightly as the sun, as you always will in the hearts of the ones you saved.” 

Today is April 12, the birthday of Kaito Momota himself. 

Shuichi felt tears welling up in his eyes as he rolled out the small blanket and sat down. he placed the bouquet next to the gravestone. Wisterias. the exact flowers Shuichi had requested. He and Kaito stood under wisterias when they had their first kiss, and from that moment on, Shuichi always associated wisterias with Kaito. his head was aching as every emotion swirled into one, making it hard to think of something to say. he sat in silence for a moment, until he had the courage to speak. 

“Happy birthday, my love.” 

The wind blew harder and Shuichi pulled the jacket tighter around his body. Kaito’s jacket. Kaito’s beautiful jacket, with the galaxy pattern on the inside. It had been hanging in the back of his closet for a long time, but if he thought hard enough, Shuichi could still find lingering traces of Kaito’s scent. domestic, he thought, like shampoo and breezy summer nights. Shuichi pulled the flat box out of his bag. Inside was something Tsumugi had given him during the final trial, something meant to cause his descent into despair but filled him with hope. A MonoPad. It seemed like a useless object, something else to remind Shuichi of the pain he went through as if his own mind wasn’t enough. But it contained something special. Something he hadn’t seen since that same trial in which he received it. He held the device in his hands and pressed the on button with shaky fingers. The school logo flashed onto the screen, along with a loading bar. Once the loading bar hit 100%, the screen faded to black. Suddenly, the video started.

"is this thing on? alright, cool." 

Shuichi held his breath. Staring back at him was Kaito. His Kaito. The love of his life, living and breathing and smiling like an idiot. God, that smile. Shuichi always loved that smile, how contagious and beautiful it was. He knew under these circumstances it wasn’t genuine, but he chose to ignore that in the same way he chose to ignore the light pink stains of washed out blood on Kaito’s white shirt. 

"hey person watching this! This video is actually for Shuichi, so if this could end up with him that’d be fantastic. Thanks. Anyways, Hey Shu! If you’re seeing this, Kokichi’s plan worked out and I'm not around anymore. That sneaky bastard. He’s actually pretty smart, huh? i’m making this video because I know I won't be able to give you a proper goodbye, before my execution and all that shit. I have something I need to tell you. I’m sure you already know,I mean, we’re always together, half the time we even sleep together. and we've kissed. but i’ve never straight up said it. So i’m gonna say it now. Kinda cowardly of me to say it behind a screen, but better now than never, right? So, here it goes." 

Shuichi braced himself.  
"I love you Shuichi Saihara. I really do. honestly, I’m so in love with you, it’s kinda crazy." 

That's what broke him. Shuichi burst into tears, holding his head in his hands as the MonoPad laid on the ground below his face. Tears fell onto the screen as Kaito kept talking. The sun had set, and the wind was blowing harder than ever. Shuichi didn’t notice.

"I… I wish i had the chance to tell you to your face, just the two of us. I know this is my last chance because I’m damn well not gonna tell you in that trial room, in front of everyone and literally facing certain death. Y’know, sometimes when I'd go back to my room after training with you and Maki Roll, i’d just lay there staring at the ceiling, dreaming of the life I'd have with you. If we both got out of here alive, I definitely would’ve married you. 100%. Imagine us married? With kids? And a dog? That's all I could think about, man! I felt like a little girl in middle school, thinking about what it would feel like to introduce myself as Kaito Saihara-Momota, or even Kaito Saihara! Imagine how amazing that would be? We’d have the best damn wedding, that’s for sure!" 

Shuichi choked on his sobs. He could barely hear Kaito’s voice over the sound of his own cries, so full of longing, full of despair. It was getting darker and colder outside. Shuichi didn’t notice.

"I don’t know. Maybe by some miracle of the universe I survive this! I guess we’ll see. A lot went on in here. Maki really helped out, i wouldn’t be recording this right now if it wasn’t for her. Thank her if you get the chance, without her I would have died without telling you how I felt and I'd be rolling in my grave forever. Haha, that’s funny." 

Shuichi watched as Kaito sat in silence for a moment. He looked at his hands, then up at the camera with a soft, sad gaze. His eyes looked beautiful, those little purple galaxies Shuichi got lost in so easily. He may have been a bit biased, but Kaito was ethereal. He could stare at the purple haired boy for hours if he had the chance. he thought about the last time Kaito held him in his arms. He cried, and cried, and cried. The wind grew even stronger and colder, and snow began to fall. Shuichi didn’t notice.

"God, if only i had more damn time. I could have done something to fix this, I could have told you about my illness. There was probably a cure now that I really think about it, but now it’s too late. I’m a coward. You deserve better than me, Shuichi. You deserve the universe and more. You’ve done so much for everyone and i wish i had the time to repay you with the affection you deserve to get back. I love you Shuichi, really." 

Silence.

"Well, i guess that’s all i have to say. I'll see you tomorrow, for the trial. I guess you won't know it’s me though, which means you’ll get mad at me. That’s the last thing I want, but I gotta do what I gotta do. You understand, right? Oh well. I love you shuichi, you’re the moon to my sun. don’t forget about me, okay?" 

He stared at the camera.

"this is the luminary of the stars, signing off. See you around, Shu." 

Kaito smiled. Even though he was so against his sidekicks seeing his true emotions, Shuichi saw tears welling up in the astronaut’s eyes as he reached for the camera. And with that, the screen went black. The light of the streetlight shone onto Shuichi’s face, and he could see his tear-streaked and puffy eyed reflection in the glass. He let the MonoPad slip out of his hands and onto his lap. He sat there in silence.

And then he screamed.

The wind howled around him as he finally noticed the fact that there was a fucking snowstorm going on, but he didn’t care. He kept screaming. He screamed until there was no air left in his lungs, and once he filled them again, he’d keep screaming. He screamed for all the words he couldn’t think of, the things he’d say to Kaito if he were here, the insatiable craving to feel the warmth of Kaito’s presence around him. All he wanted was to see him again, his beautiful smile and sparkling eyes, to hear his laugh and hold his hand. Why did he have to die? It could have been anyone else, hell, it could have even been Shuichi himself, so why Kaito? He had so much to do, so much to live for. It wasn’t fair. But life isn’t fair, Shuichi figured. He screamed and cried into the night, the snow piling up around him. He was cold. So cold. But he didn’t care. He needed to be here, this was the closest thing he had to being where he needed to be. With Kaito. He kept screaming through the cold, barely breathing. His throat and lungs burned and his hands ached. He was so cold, so out of breath.

And suddenly, he collapsed.

The only thing Shuichi could feel was the cold sting of icy tears cascading down his face. He was cold down to his core. He felt his soul grow weaker with every labored breath. He knew what was to come. Shuichi closed his eyes. All he felt was cold. 

“Shuichi.”

His eyes bolted open. Was that…?

He sat up, and there he was.

“Kaito.” Shuichi stood up in awe, staring at the figure looking back at him. It was Kaito. It was really him. “Hey.” Shuichi’s heart swelled. He stood and threw himself into his lover’s arms. “I love you Kaito. I love you i love you i love you.” Kaito chuckled. “I love you too, Shu. Come on.”  
Kaito grabbed Shuichi’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

“Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> ow. 
> 
> let me know what you think, if you like it/dont like it, i have a whole saimota fic in the works this is kinda just testing the water u know? ty so much for reading! i love u!


End file.
